Threes

   Deep in engineering, where mortals seldom go
   A manager and customer come looking for a show
   They pass, amused, among us and they sign in on the log
   They've come to see our pony and they've come to see our dog

     Three things to be wary of: A new kid in his prime
     A man who knows the answers, and code that runs first time

   Summoned from our cubicles, to conference room we go
   We bring our dog and pony, 'cause we know they'll want a show
   Watching while we enter, with a shifty, restless eye
   The customer sits waiting in his pin-striped suit and tie

     Three things never trust in: That's the vendor's final bill
     The promises your boss makes, and the customer's good will

   The pony kicks his heels up as the doggie does his trick
   And hams it up with vigor as we lay it on real thick
   The customer just watches as we do this song and dance
   Then reaches for his briefcase, only giving us a glance

     Three things see no end: A loop with exit code done wrong
     A semaphore untested, and the change that comes along

   From briefcase then there comes a list of things we must revise
   And all but four within the room are taken by surprise
   And all but four are thinking of their last job with remorse
   The customer, the manager, the doggie, and the horse

     Three things hold no secrets: Files that somehow hit the net
     The boss' secretary, and the third thing... I forget

   First, twenty-one new features that we somehow must add in
   Then, thirty-seven changes show up, much to our chagrin
   And this thing's just inadequate, and that thing's just plain wrong
   And, by the way, your schedule's about three months too long

     Three things it is far better that only you should know:
     How much you're paid, the schedule pad, and what is just for show

   The customer proceeds to go through each change, line by line
   Excruciating detail which no logic can divine
   And when it ends, there's only four not sitting there agog
   The customer, the manager, the pony, and the dog

     Three things never anger: First, the one who runs your deck
     The one who does the backup, and the one who signs your check

   Now we are contract software types who spend our days and nights
   Embedded in the system, down with all the bits and bytes
   And none but us can tell full well the damage done today
   It's what they do not know for which they're gonna have to pay

     Three things are most perilous: Connectors that corrode
     Unproven algorithms, and self-modifying code

   The manager and customer are quick to leave this bunch
   They take the dog and pony, and they all go out to lunch
   Now how will we avenge ourselves on those who raise our ire?
   Write code that self-destructs the day the warranties expire

     Three things trust above all else: Your knowledge of your craft
     That someone turns a profit, and that you will get the shaft